Need to Say, "Baby, I'm Sorry, Really Sorry?" Here's How!
Posted: Wednesday, August 19, 2009
by Avis Ward
GeoVi's Home for Pregnant Teens
Saying "I'm Sorry" are two words that must not only be verbal but nonverbal, too. It is a given that we will do and say things without intending to hurt our loved ones. When this happens in a marital relationship, saying "I'm sorry" may not be enough initially but should be said with sincerity immediately.
Your partner will know if you are sincere or not so it is best not to make a halfhearted apology. This could cause an extended stay in the doghouse if you're a male or he may eject himself from the master suite to the couch or guest bedroom.
Assuming you truly are sorry and are working on the reason for the apology, these suggestions could help you out.
1. Don't be too proud to beg. Go for broke as if pleading for your life. Keep your promise and promise not to do/say "it" again.
2. You are sincere; you voluntarily give up something he/she knows is close to your heart but not as close as the one you love.
3. Volunteer to receive counseling, therapy or treatment if either applies and do it!
4. Without embarrassing your family, apologize publicly but do not go as far as Gov. Mark Sanford of South Carolina.
5. Just as you would punish and ground a child, tell the one who was hurt to punish and/or ground you. (If the offended is still very upset you may wish to postpone this one for a bit.)
6. Relieve him/her of a chore you know is done because of teamwork but he/she does not enjoy doing it at all. Takeover for a week or set period of time.
7. Tackle an unfinished project and complete it. Of course, this project will benefit the wounded more than you.
8. Not that mom loves the kids more than you do but if dad is the one who messed up, do something unexpectedly for the kids. Yes, they're yours too (or perhaps not) but you know how a mom is about her children!
9. Don't add any additional financial burdens by trying to buy your spouse's forgiveness if you are the one saying, "Baby, I'm sorry, really sorry." This will only compound the issue when things are already tight. It is likely to backfire when it is clearly not in the budget.
10. If you can afford to make a purchase, get that fishing rod, golf club, geek gadget, piece of jewelry, weekend getaway or whatever it is they've wanted for awhile. Make sure you're on speaking terms before planning a getaway. Presenting a brochure would work before scheduling it.
11. Husbands/men, suit up in full protective gear and let your partner use you as a punching bag until her anger is gone and she's laughing.
12. Get on your knees together and let the one you've hurt hear you pray a prayer of forgiveness to God. Confess what you did wrong, ask for His forgiveness and pray for your partner's forgiveness. Ask the one wronged to pray, too.
You will likely have to say, "I'm sorry," many times again but make sure the reasons are not for past wrongs. Maintaining trust and security in a relationship are paramount to the happiness you wish to share.
You know what will work in your relationship or perhaps you do not. If any of these suggestions will give you a chance to come out of the doghouse or bring him back into the master bedroom, what do you have to lose? You know the answer to that better than I do.
2009 by Avis Ward of Avis Ward.com
______________________
Writing is very therapeutic no matter what level you begin. Come to a place, a place where you belong. Join us at: http://SearchWarp.com/Register.asp . Registration is free. Not only will you get to meet members of the best Writers' Community on the web but you'll also touch and be touched in ways you never thought possible.
Your partner will know if you are sincere or not so it is best not to make a halfhearted apology. This could cause an extended stay in the doghouse if you're a male or he may eject himself from the master suite to the couch or guest bedroom.
1. Don't be too proud to beg. Go for broke as if pleading for your life. Keep your promise and promise not to do/say "it" again.
2. You are sincere; you voluntarily give up something he/she knows is close to your heart but not as close as the one you love.
3. Volunteer to receive counseling, therapy or treatment if either applies and do it!
4. Without embarrassing your family, apologize publicly but do not go as far as Gov. Mark Sanford of South Carolina.
5. Just as you would punish and ground a child, tell the one who was hurt to punish and/or ground you. (If the offended is still very upset you may wish to postpone this one for a bit.)
6. Relieve him/her of a chore you know is done because of teamwork but he/she does not enjoy doing it at all. Takeover for a week or set period of time.
7. Tackle an unfinished project and complete it. Of course, this project will benefit the wounded more than you.
8. Not that mom loves the kids more than you do but if dad is the one who messed up, do something unexpectedly for the kids. Yes, they're yours too (or perhaps not) but you know how a mom is about her children!
9. Don't add any additional financial burdens by trying to buy your spouse's forgiveness if you are the one saying, "Baby, I'm sorry, really sorry." This will only compound the issue when things are already tight. It is likely to backfire when it is clearly not in the budget.
10. If you can afford to make a purchase, get that fishing rod, golf club, geek gadget, piece of jewelry, weekend getaway or whatever it is they've wanted for awhile. Make sure you're on speaking terms before planning a getaway. Presenting a brochure would work before scheduling it.
11. Husbands/men, suit up in full protective gear and let your partner use you as a punching bag until her anger is gone and she's laughing.
12. Get on your knees together and let the one you've hurt hear you pray a prayer of forgiveness to God. Confess what you did wrong, ask for His forgiveness and pray for your partner's forgiveness. Ask the one wronged to pray, too.
You will likely have to say, "I'm sorry," many times again but make sure the reasons are not for past wrongs. Maintaining trust and security in a relationship are paramount to the happiness you wish to share.
You know what will work in your relationship or perhaps you do not. If any of these suggestions will give you a chance to come out of the doghouse or bring him back into the master bedroom, what do you have to lose? You know the answer to that better than I do.
2009 by Avis Ward of Avis Ward.com
______________________
Writing is very therapeutic no matter what level you begin. Come to a place, a place where you belong. Join us at: http://SearchWarp.com/Register.asp . Registration is free. Not only will you get to meet members of the best Writers' Community on the web but you'll also touch and be touched in ways you never thought possible.
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Top-level comments on this article: (5 total)It would have to be a pretty big indiscretion to get me to attempt to patch things up with some of the ways you've suggested. However, I have to say, number eleven looks good to me!Seriously Avis, it's an excellent article. They're two very simple (but important) words, yet some people struggle to say, "I'm sorry". Actions speak louder than words and all of your suggestions for putting a conflict behind you, and saying you're sorry, are right on! Thanks for a great article, one that will certainly be of help to many couples. Hopefully there will be one less man in the dog-house tonight! :)If everyday people are being as indiscreet as politicians, celebrities and sports figures (in the US), none of these may work! :)Seriously, too . . . thanks, Brianna. I know males and females who have a difficult time saying those two words. I appreciate your support and feedback. I can see how #11 would work for me, too! I think #12 would do it for me, almost instantly.
It sounds good to me Avis, the reality is, it will work. I do not want to count the years on how long it took me to find that out, but when one error enough, they will eventually get it. If not, well, that is another article. This is a beautiful article Avis.Doc, a man who knows and speaks from personal experience. Thank you for being a credible witness for me and others. I am glad you finally "got it." Life has to be much better in that regard, which is crucial in any relationship!
Thank you Sister for this beautifully written anthem for the penitent! I think in this concept of forgiveness we forget that contrition is essential for the offender (for lack of a better word) --- godly sorrow works repentance. I would add that for those who are being asked to forgive, forgiveness is never earned it is given. Thanks again Avis. God bless you.Brother Rymes, thank you for having been here and left your imprint! I can't begin to tell you how many times I heard "godly sorrow works repentance" as a child and young adult. Mother always said it. Don't hear it much now but I know it as truth.Love the addition and appreciate it, too. "Forgiveness is never earned it is given" Why the word "given" is the core of the total word. Without "given" there's no forgiveness. For God so loved...that he gave...his Son was given as... Oh my. I won't continue here. I will end this and He and I will continue. I can't remain seated!I know you are blessed. . . you share it.
Good reading this! Thought provoking - another three words we hear way too seldom I think, are "please forgive me?" MarijoThank you very much, Marijo. I'm happy to have your appreciation for this article. I agree with you, too on those three words seldom used. I wrote an article on three-word phrases that are magical.
I totally agree Avis, saying sorry and being sorry are entirely different and an apology should be practical as well as verbal. Stubborness is often the main obstacle. I often think it worth being sorry if you didnt think you did anything wrong. Excellent article. JulianJulian, thank you for your supportive comments. I loved this fact: "saying sorry and being sorry are entirely different..." I wish I had included it in the article. :) And to say you're sorry when you do not feel you've done anything wrong is maturity and wisdom. I couldn't agree more. Thank you!
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