Sexual Abstinence is Unrealistic? Ask the Jonas Brothers!
Posted: Wednesday, February 25, 2009
by Avis Ward
GeoVi's Home for Pregnant Teens
Is sexual abstinence unrealistic? What is the meaning of unrealistic? One dictionary defines it as: an adjective meaning - "Not compatible with reality or fact; unreasonably idealistic: unrealistic expectations". I agree, anyone abstaining from sexual activity is not compatible with present-day reality or facts. I do not agree it is unreasonable or an unrealistic expectation.
I'm not a parent but I believe in good parenting, parents have high expectations of their children. This would encourage parents to work at being good examples for their children. They teach by example.
Would you say your child's well-being is priced at unrealistically high levels? Of course not! Your child is priceless and invaluable. Encouraging him/her to avoid all sexual activity until marriage is supportive of how priceless your child's well-being is to you. Remaining sexually inactive until marriage is what abstinence means.
Children are being taught by someone other than their parents. They are listening to someone else because we are not talking to them or doing so effectively. After talking to them, we are not giving them options to distract them from the hormonal overload they experience. As adults, cannot we identify and relate to that? It is even more difficult for mentally immature kids to cope than mature adults. We have to be there for them!
If one child hears another say it's unrealistic, they will believe it. But is it unrealistic for you as a parent to desire, want, or even ask your child to remain sexually inactive until marriage? We can take the easy way out and say, "Yes."
It will not be easy when your child tells you they have contracted AIDS/HIV. Or they are emotionally attached to some kid who only wanted to be friends with benefits. Your child was the one to put-out sexually, with no strings attached and now he/she thinks they have fallen in love. They have fallen in love with someone who has found another friend with benefits.
It will not be easy when your adult child tells you they are confused about their worth as a human being because they were the one who slept with anyone who wanted sex instead of being the one everyone desired but never had.
It will not be easy when you're left to consider raising a grandchild or discover by accident your grandchild was aborted.
How unrealistic is it to know your child waited to give her/his mind, soul and body to someone they have decided to spend the rest of their life with in Holy Matrimony? The Jonas Brother's are being taught to respect females and not take advantage of them in any way. There is availability but little opportunity because of seemingly good parenting.
When a child who has had a child tells our children it is unrealistic to remain sexually inactive until marriage, we are permitting that child/parent to parent our kids. It was unrealistic for her but will you permit it to be unrealistic for your child?
2009 Avis Ward of GeoVi's Home for New Life
Would you say your child's well-being is priced at unrealistically high levels? Of course not! Your child is priceless and invaluable. Encouraging him/her to avoid all sexual activity until marriage is supportive of how priceless your child's well-being is to you. Remaining sexually inactive until marriage is what abstinence means.
Children are being taught by someone other than their parents. They are listening to someone else because we are not talking to them or doing so effectively. After talking to them, we are not giving them options to distract them from the hormonal overload they experience. As adults, cannot we identify and relate to that? It is even more difficult for mentally immature kids to cope than mature adults. We have to be there for them!
If one child hears another say it's unrealistic, they will believe it. But is it unrealistic for you as a parent to desire, want, or even ask your child to remain sexually inactive until marriage? We can take the easy way out and say, "Yes."
It will not be easy when your child tells you they have contracted AIDS/HIV. Or they are emotionally attached to some kid who only wanted to be friends with benefits. Your child was the one to put-out sexually, with no strings attached and now he/she thinks they have fallen in love. They have fallen in love with someone who has found another friend with benefits.
It will not be easy when your adult child tells you they are confused about their worth as a human being because they were the one who slept with anyone who wanted sex instead of being the one everyone desired but never had.
It will not be easy when you're left to consider raising a grandchild or discover by accident your grandchild was aborted.
How unrealistic is it to know your child waited to give her/his mind, soul and body to someone they have decided to spend the rest of their life with in Holy Matrimony? The Jonas Brother's are being taught to respect females and not take advantage of them in any way. There is availability but little opportunity because of seemingly good parenting.
When a child who has had a child tells our children it is unrealistic to remain sexually inactive until marriage, we are permitting that child/parent to parent our kids. It was unrealistic for her but will you permit it to be unrealistic for your child?
2009 Avis Ward of GeoVi's Home for New Life
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Top-level comments on this article: (6 total)Tricky one this. Abstaining from anything is easy if there is no desire for it and as sexual drives vary so much, abstaining will be very easy for some and harder for others, but we should definitely strive to ensure our children abstain.Abstaining before marriage is another matter. I personally think that's a mistake as sexual compatibility is important in a relationship and finding out you're not compatible
sooner rather than later has got to be better. But when one is of age of course and with the proper precautions.
Also teaching sexually mature adults to respect and value themselves and understand the differences between how men and women view sex before they start sexual relations is important and of course sex in a relationship rather than not is another point of education.Hi CB. Thank you for reading and posting comments. Abstinence is the safest, healthiest lifestyle and one of the best ways to prepare for a healthy future marriage. People do 'tryouts' to ensure sexual compatibility. It's an individual choice. Our program reaches out to 12-17 year old males and females but is applicable to any age if they choose to accept it. One major underlying factor also is how a person's faith plays in this. We are flexible with our curriculum but that does not change our message.
Hi Avis! Consequences are never at the forefront until they're at the forefront, right? Humanoids are ingrained with the inability to worry about that until "later." It takes a lot of discipline and a nurturing environment for abstinence to take hold and some of us never had that growing up.I applaud you and your ministry. God Bless you!!Hiya Ken! You're right about humanoids and consequences. I also agree, it takes discipline, and a nurturing environment for this type of education about relationships to take root.
I have witnessed kids prove how disciplined they are through athletics, video games, texting, good and bad habits. I believe it's also safe to say parents desire to give their children many things they themselves never had. Mine did. This message is one a parent can give them if they [parents] never had it:
Abstinence is the only sure way to protect your body, mind, and heart from the various consequences of sexual activity. It is the safest, healthiest lifestyle and one of the best ways to prepare for a healthy future marriage.
They will decide for themselves but at least they were informed, nurtured and received love from their parents in this manner.
Thank you for reading, your comments and the blessing over the ministry! It means a great deal to me, Ken. Blessings to you, too!
Interesting article!I agree that sex is something young teens should avoid - abstinence is preferable because at that young age they don't understand the consequences, emotional and physical.I don't agree that it is in anyone's interest to abstain right up until marriage though - as Creative Blogger mentioned, sex is an important part of a marriage, and if a couple turn out not to be sexually compatible, the marriage is much more likely to fail, potentially leaving more children to be raised by single parents.I think that while promoting abstinence (at least up until 18, rather than to marriage) is a good idea, it needs to be supported by open and honest discussion of contraception (risks, benefits and availability), and education about general sexual health issues and relationship issues.Relationships are important, one of the most important things in life, yet we get little or no education in them, at least not until its already gone wrong - only then do we speak to the "marriage guidance councillor".I think it would be much better to include a lot more teaching about how to make a relationship work in our children's education, to try and prevent relationship problems rather than wait until they happen and then try and patch them up.Abstinence-only programmes are ineffective, unfortunately. The most effective method seems to be a comprehensive approach combining promotion of abstinence with broad sexual education.In response to:"Jonas Brother's are being taught to respect females and not take advantage of them in any way"...true, but there's thousands of females who'd happily take advantage of the Jonas Brothers :)Ben, thanks for your feedback. I agree and disagree but agreement isn't a requisite for respecting your opinion.
Our programs take the kids on an adventurous journey that educates them on relationships. We are in agreement about what they should be taught. The way abstinence-only education is being taught using the US Government's guidelines only are ineffective. This is why our organization has opted not to accept government funds. The curriculum does meet their requirements but it contains exercises to reach kids that their guidelines would restrict. We do not employ scare tactics!
They're taught that abstinence generally means to choose not to do something that that can be harmful to them. They are then guided to the four commonly recognized areas that can be harmful to them: smoking, sex, drugs and drinking. But prior to this, they have already discussed what the Good Life would be for them. They're guided through thought processes (many which never occurred to them or taught at home). They are being educated even if they choose not to be sexually abstinent.
The message doesn't change regardless of age. Those at any age of consent can and should do what they wish.
Abstinence isn't about not having sex. It's about saving sex for someone who is willing to give back to you by making a lifelong commitment in marriage.
Ben, if one child chooses to remain abstinent until marriage, the message is not in vain or ineffective. There are those who chose to remain abstinent and those who chose to become abstinent after having been sexually active upon completion of this course. Individual choices are made but the education should not stop. We totally agree on this.
You made me chuckle about the Jonas Brothers! How right you are!! :-)
Hi Avis, bravo, although many disagree with this method, The Father up above has ordained it from day one and I applaud and pray for your efforts. Just because a program isn't full-proof doesn't mean it shouldn't be taught. My daughter is one to share that temptation is tough, she has been in her relationship with her boyfriend for 6 years and she testifies that it is faith and wanting to please God that keeps her in the right place.I Can't imagine God letting anyone down as far as sexual compatiblity if they are crazy in love and wait for God's perfect and beautiful plan. The way they look at each other and the respect they have for one another tells me that they will do just fine it this area. the program works, and you are correct. faith plays a big roll in it. And another thing, kids who have crossed that line, are always free to step back on the right side.Lord bless the work of your hands!!!!! Love ya! Sistah THiya Sistah T!
No, this message isn't popular and widely accepted. The statistics prove that and do I have statistics. But more important that those numbers are the words from our Father. He would never let us down under no circumstance. You and Art are to commended choosing to teach your children what you believe based on the gospel of Jesus Christ. And your daughter and her boyfriend of six years are to be applauded for believing it is not them but Christ that lives in them who keeps them chaste.
I have an 18 year old niece who has thanked me for being impressionable on her life over the years. She has chosen abstinence. Her parents may get her to church once a month if that often but she and I have talked about things over the course of her life. We read together, what the Bible says. She was on a date once and called the manager at McDonald's (where she works) to come get her (she knew her mom/dad would have harmed the boy) because her date acted inappropriately. Not only did he show up but two of the other employees did too! The boy is still alive! *laughing*
Our program uses a curriculum for Christian Ed and one for public Ed but the message is still the same. You can imagine how much of the word of God is used throughout the former. The latter is subtle yet profound. We want to attract the parents who are not born again believers without overdosing them on something they would instantly reject. We hold orientations so they know what their children are being taught.
Continue to keep the ministry in your prayers. I long for the day I can call/write you to schedule you for a seminar/speaking engagement. It's coming. Our Father would not disappoint us in making even that happen.
Thank you for the comments you gave and using your daughter and her beau as examples. Abstinence-only education does work!
Love,
AvisHey Sistah A, I am praying and I too long for that day. You are right, in our Father's timing, I will be ready.Our experiences never go unused when we surrender to Jesus. Pray for me as I will be writing soon on healing from abortion.Love ya much! Sistah, TMost definitely praying for you, Sistah T! We're in this together. You and I just happen to be on the same team but even if we weren't, we're in it together. Doing so honors Him through His second commandment to us.
We're being prepared. Patience and longsuffering fortifies our faith. Our ministries are exploding, the evidence of that will reveal itself in the fullness of time.
Love ya, too my sistah!
Avis,To obstain from sexual activity for youth full of hormones is a challenge but one that can be and is overcome by looking to a higher purpose. All the people who are active in my church have not and do not have sex outside of marriage. That is all the "active" people. It certainly happens, but to be pure in head, heart, mind, and soul it is required. The objective is to teach the children essential and doable "why nots." Without good, and in the case of the powerful urge of sexuality great reason / motivation it won't happen. I see kids in our church testifying of not only obstaining from sex before marriage, but from peer pressure to do drugs, smoke, or drink. These kids are not alone. There is certainly a Higher Power afoot. With such great temptation as the one's I've mentioned, it is mostly difficult if not impossible for the immature and inexperienced to not mess up without help from not only great parents on earth but those above ;=)Thanks for the article and peace to you and yours."To abstain from sexual activity for youth full of hormones is a challenge but one that can be and is overcome by looking to a higher purpose."
Jeff, I agree wholeheartedly. Looking to a higher purpose is how we overcome. "We overcome by the blood of the lamb and the word of our testimony." Rev. 12:11 (Jesus being the lamb and making a public declaration is our testimony.)* As we grow in our knowledge of God, through His divine power, we are given everything we need for life and godliness. Being chaste until marriage is a form of godliness.
Just as He can help us control our tempers after being taught temper tantrums are immature, He can control our youth who are full of hormones. (And adults, too!)
Your youth membership is a shining example of how realistic it is to postpone sexual activity until marriage. Different levels of spiritual maturity are no doubt an issue but is there anything too hard for God?
You're appreciated very much. Thank you and peace be with you!
*Explained just in case someone reading this did not know. I had no doubt about you knowing.
I am so glad I ran into this article. I just wrote about the fact that abstinence is a VALID form of contraception, and our teenage girls are not hearing that message because adults themselves see it as an unrealistic option for them. Let me know what you think by going to The Daily Get Up dot com and clicking on the article called "Why Does America Abstain from Abstinence?"Thank you for your comments. I read your article as requested and left a comment, as well.
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