The Not David Letterman's Top 10 Funniest Christmas Quotes
Posted: Monday, December 01, 2008
by Avis Ward
GeoVi's Home for Pregnant Teens
No, they're not David Letterman's Top 10 but mine. Maybe they will add to your holiday spirit as you read them. Maybe, they'll even put you in the mood to wrap those gifts you bought on Black Friday. Or just maybe they will be shared with family and friends and you'll become the life of the party!
I am interested in knowing what your #1 Funniest Christmas Quote would be from those compiled here, if it's not the one I chose. Let me know in the comments section, please?
#10. Charles Dickens, A Christmas Carol
Out upon Merry Christmas! What's Christmas time to you but a time for paying bills without money; a time for finding yourself a year older, but not an hour richer...? If I could work my will," said Scrooge indignantly, "every idiot who goes about with 'Merry Christmas' upon his lips should be boiled with his won pudding, and buried with a stake of holly through his heart. He should!"
#9. Bill Watterson, Calvin & Hobbes
Oh look, yet another Christmas TV special! How touching to have the meaning of Christmas brought to us by cola, fast food, and beer... Who'd have ever guessed that product consumption, popular entertainment, and spirituality would mix so harmoniously?
#8. Peter Dickinson
The threat of Christmas hung in the air, visible already in the fretful look of passersby as they readied themselves for the meaningless but necessary rites of false jovialities and ill-considered gifts.
#7. Ogden Nash
People can't concentrate properly on blowing other people to pieces if their minds are poisoned by thoughts suitable to the twenty-fifth of December.
#6. Dave Barry
Once again we find ourselves enmeshed in the Holiday Season, that very special time of year when we join with our loved ones in sharing centuries-old traditions such as trying to find a parking space at the mall. We traditionally do this in my family by driving around the parking lot until we see a shopper emerge from the mall, then we follow her, in very much the same spirit as the Three Wise Men, who 2,000 years ago followed a star, week after week, until it led them to a parking space.
#5 Max Lucado, God Came Near
Were it not for the shepherds, there would have been no reception. And were it not for a group of stargazers, there would have been no gifts.
#4. W. J. Cameron
There has been only one Christmas -- the rest are anniversaries.
#3. Frank McKinney Hubbard
Next to a circus there ain't nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit.
#2. Katharine Whitehorn, Roundabout
From a commercial point of view, if Christmas did not exist it would be necessary to invent it.
And the #1 Funniest Christmas Quote is . . . (Drum roll please, little drummer boy.)
#1. Dave Barry, Christmas Shopping
In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season; the Christians called it 'Christmas' and went to church; the Jews called it 'Hanukka' and went to synagogue; the atheists went to parties and drank. People passing each other on the street would say 'Merry Christmas!' or 'Happy Hanukka!' or (to the atheists) 'Look out for the wall!'
Whether you celebrate Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, or not at all, Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to You and Yours!
2008 by Avis Ward of GeoVi's Home for New Life
This Article has been viewed 3,612 times. (Not updated in real-time.)
Top-level comments on this article: (3 total)Hi Avis.I do like your choice for number one, but I think my favorite is number two. It's true and ironic and sadly funny all at the same time.Thanks for the quotes.Hugs to you,DianneHi Diane,
It was a toss up for me. I didn't flip a coin but could have. I agree with you about #2. Thanks for reading and sharing your choice. You're wonderful!
Hugging you back,
Avis
Avis, your sense of humor never ceases to tickle me. Personally, I can't pick just one. I'm a huge fan of Calvin & Hobbes, so I must pick #9; but I also happen to be a fan of Dave Barry's as well...so #1 is also among my faves. Thanks for putting this out there. Sure did give me a giggle. And, by the way, some food for thought: you forgot to mention Winter Solstice, which, for the record, is where the whole affair began. Not my opinion; these are the facts. Hmmmmm....another debate perhaps?Hugs and Gratitudes, Dear Avis~CamilleCamille, thank you for appreciating my sense of humor. Thanks also, for reading and leaving your comments. I think #9 shouldn't be so high up there too and #7 should be higher but I would never get this article posted! *laughing* Yes, I forget to mention Winter Solstice. And no more debates, please? I concede to the facts! *grinning*
You're a jewel and I appreciate you and your sense of humor, Camille. Thank you for the hugs.
Hugs,
Avis
My favorite one here is # 4 by W J Cameron. But I like them all, thanks for sharing Avis.And thank you for reading and sharing your fave, David!
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