How I Handled the Loss of my Baby
Posted: Thursday, October 25, 2007
by Avis Ward
GeoVi's Home for Pregnant Teens
I did not handle the loss of my baby at all. It handled me. I thought my faith was strong and I could handle anything. Actually, I never thought I would not be a Mom. I knew the Lord answered prayers and mine would be answered.
Becoming pregnant for many is very easy. I have friends who have said if their hubby looked at them with that “you know” look, they’d conceive. After many tests, countless doctor visits and thousands of dollars later, it was determined there should not be a problem. So, I could get pregnant but there were complications.
Our family felt blessed to have two babies coming after losing our last parent. Mother had died many years ago. Our grieving ended almost suddenly when we learned of the pregnancies. Perhaps it is best to say, our grief was replaced with joy. Our hearts were not as heavy.
Twelve years have passed and now that I can see through the glass clearly, I know God was at work. At that time, I saw dimly through the glass and became withdrawn. Making it into the third trimester was very encouraging and promising although bed rest was required. In case you’re wondering, I was not alone. I was married and happily so. It was a blessing to have someone to help bear the loss of my dad. I had been there for him when his father passed away.
I have wondered if my faith then were as strong as I thought. I have wondered what I may have done to cause the wrath of God to strike me as it did. My water broke in my third trimester but I did not immediately go into labor. My doctor told me, “Avis, I was praying you had just peed in your pants!”
I was in the hospital for a week and sent home because no changes took place. I remember praying to God and letting Him know, if He desired to use a sponge the size and thickness of a one dollar bill, He could dry up Niagara Falls. If He wanted to fill the Grand Canyon with the sand in an hourglass, I believed and knew He could. I only wanted the hole no doubt smaller than a pin prick in my embryonic sac to be sealed. I asked Him to do this for me, for us, for my baby girl.I expected and believed He’d do it.
I was discharged from the hospital after a week’s stay but the next day, labor pains began. I thought if I ignored them, they would stop but the contractions came closer and closer together. My husband called the doctor and we were told to meet him at the hospital.
Our baby girl was born but she did not survive. She was too young and major organs had not developed to sustain her life. I prayed my youngest sister would not go into depression because of our loss. I prayed for everyone except myself.My happy marriage fell apart. I became someone I did not recognize or wanted to know. My home became my hideout from the world. I did not receive visitors, calls or condolences. It was not until years later that I realize what happened to me.
All of the advice I had given others during their losses and hardships was not received by me. I turned away from everyone. The loss of my dad rebounded and was combined with losing my daughter and a failing marriage. I found strength within myself to bring an end to what had not been the best years of my life for some time. I filed for divorce and moved out of the home I had built as a single woman.
We’re told not to make major decisions during turbulent times or a crisis. I felt God did what He thought was best and I was obligated to accept it. I did not understand but I was taught not to question God. I didn’t.
This story is being told to help others. I misunderstood so many things in the name of “religion.” I knew of God but did not have a relationship with Him. I have made gigantic strides after enduring horrific emotional times. Several miscarriages in the first trimester and hope after making it to the third were a miracle. I knew the biggest miracle would be holding my baby, taking her home, nursing her and being her mom for the rest of my life. I was wrong.
The biggest miracle is sharing with others the power of God to completely heal us. I know firsthand that He is always working for our good and we only need to trust Him. He is a God of not only restoration but also restitution. His promises are many and we can count on Him if we do our part.
My sister has a 12 year old son named after his grandfather, George. My daughter, Chelsea, would also be 12 if she had lived. I do not know if she’d be with me and her father. I do not think so but I know she is where she was meant to be. Her grandparents got to spend more time with her than I. It may have been they were to raise her and not us.
God works in mysterious ways. I trust Him implicitly and so can you.
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Top-level comments on this article: (5 total)Avis, I believe your article will comfort and strengthen many who have experienced similar situations. Your strong belief and faith in God has carried you through.David, thank you. I pray others will find "comfort and strength" from my experiences. I believe we have experiences to build a testimony that will bless others.
How could I have read this with a dry eye? What a beautiful sharing, sweet Avis! You are an amazing woman; thanks for sharing this and now I shall vote!Judi, thank you. I have shed many tears of sadness over losing Chelsea. I thought my heart would never mend. My tears are joyful now that I have an internal Comforter and His love. It's true, Judi. He can be everything we need Him to be in our lives. I lost my mind when I loss my baby but I found Him. I did not know He was even missing in my life. I appreciate your comments and compliments. You are so beautiful to me.
hi avis, your article flowed, although it was hard to hear of your pain. i'm glad you made it through, as difficult as it was. thank you for sharing your story, best regards, sue thomSue, thank you for your compassion. I firmly believe we're connected and as one body though there are many members (parts). If I can help just one, then my living would not have been in vain. Each one reaching out is what we're supposed to do. We have our struggles and we endure. It's a joy when we have each other. Christ wanted us to know that. Warmest regards to you.
Avis, you are a very special lady with Gods hand on your shoulder. No one but another parent who experienced the same could ever know your loss but your faith and knowing that your child is waiting for you is something non believers will never understand. It is not wrong that we grieve it is when we do not move on and accept Gods will that destroys. You are a shinning star and even while we have never met I know in my heart the world needs many more like you. With brotherly love I say thank you for this heart wrenching article. Peace, RTMRTM, my brother and friend, thank you ever so much for sharing your compassionate self. You and others like you, are a rainbow on a cloudy day. You put the twinkle in the stars at night and I appreciate you. Your words moved me to tears and thanksgiving. I'm thankful to 'know' you even though we've never met in the flesh. We're kindred spirits. Isn't He wonderful? You said thank you to me and I say, with sisterly love, you're very welcome. Blessings to you and yours.
Wonderful article Avis, many thanks. Rev Michael BrescianiRev. Bresciani, thank you for reading, commenting and becoming a fan. All are very much appreciated by this writer. You're welcome, Sir.
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